I was beginning to think that I wanted to opt out of my next module - Research Ethics - for two reasons: first, that I never wanted to do it anyway and second that it seemed a work project had come up for the same week.
I figured that struggling to do two things when I didn't want to do one of them anyway would be stupid. Then I thought that if I were to watch the videos of the talks afterwards anyway, because of the conflict with work, I might as well watch the June ones afterwards instead, since I actually wanted to do them.
Another part of me wanted to jack the whole thing in. Or switch to something else. Like writing comedies or studying nematodes.
Then two things happened: the work project was not confirmed (though it might still be on) and I spoke to another mature student who suggested I look at the situation differently.
She is in her second year of an MSc in Local History and she said that she doesn't like all her modules either but, hey, that's the way it goes and besides there is always something that you can dig out that is interesting - if you are curious and determined enough.
She also said that what she thinks makes her a positive contributor to the course is that she does think differently about things from her fellow students. That is a strength. Rather than focusing on where one is not strong in comparison to others, why not consider the strengths one does have and play to them?
This cheered me up a bit. I bothered to download the reading list. So, we shall see. I had already emailed the course administrator with my concerns, but haven't received a reply yet.
Part of the problem, I know, is that I don't think I am good enough and I find that hard to deal with. It's not so bad if one is fascinated but it's shit being shit at something that you don't give a shit about. So I have to sort my shit out. I guess.
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