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  • Writer's pictureCrone

Looking for the enemy

You might have got the impression from the last two posts that I am not the happiest camper at the current time. And, you know, lockdown, the cold, uncertainty about short and long term future, anxiety about the bloomin' essays, bit of loneliness. It's not surprising.

I have noticed something though. And it's funny as my best friend noticed this about me many years ago but this is the first time that I have realised what he was getting at.

When I get a bit low and a bit cross I start to turn everyone I know into enemies.

How they don't do this or do do that; how they are selfish and how they don't care; how they make snide comments and 'deliberately try to annoy me'; how they are in various ways antagonistic and, frankly, just wrong. About EVERYTHING.

Of course, these people are just people. And on the whole, as much as any of us, they are good people. They even love or at least care about me.

I can't see any of that when I feel like I feel. All I can see are the flaws.

Part of it is that I am looking through skewed spectacles. But another part is that I become hypersensitive and the almost neutral jest feels like a stiletto to the heart.

The dog is like this when he needs a pee or when he's anxious. Unsettle homeostasis too much, and we're all on the lookout for enemies.

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