You know, every now and then, while driving, walking or running, or in those insomniac nights when I go downstairs and drink cashew milk with honey and eat chocolate, I think I have it all sorted out. I recite it in my head, write notes in my pad, and reckon, yup, I'm a philosopher, me.
I imagine, yes, I really imagine, the tutors saying, 'You must read this: the most imaginative and exciting piece of work from a student that I've read in decades.'
Then I get home or get out of the car and that clarity's gone. Whooosh. Just like that. Gone.
The other day, I had three ideas while driving the 95 minutes to work. I had them as three words, that, of course, would bring all the content of each complex and complete argument rushing back. I won't forget, I thought. But just in case, I'll do this thing. I'll tap on the steering wheel three times as I say each word and then when I tap later, magic memory trick, I'll have it.
This did not work. First I forgot I had any ideas at all. Then I remembered there were three ideas and I remembered the tapping. I tapped on my desk but, no. Then I remembered that one word was 'water'. But I had no damn clue what water meant.
Even the notes I write in the middle of the night are tragic. One of them read 'Chocolate - matches!!!'. Any idea what that's about? As for the rest, they were in sentences. That's a start. And presumably they must have seemed persuasive, pertinent and p-exciting at the time, but they seemed like nothing more than witterings the next day.
So, I have asked for an extension. My work is really busy over Christmas and New Year, so when can I do it. they say they need a letter from my employer. I said I am my employer. I work for ME. Well.
To be honest, I'm not sure how much difference an extension will make. The problem is that the ideas are like my Trust* thing... just so big and multi-faceted and meandering.
I'm lost in the mist-ery.
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