Blocked

A bit.

I've been trying to paint anger and haven't really managed. I've been trying to paint a horse too... but keep on giving up after a few brushstrokes. Oh and I was doing a tower of pebbles but gave up on that, as well.

Strangely, I still bought a new block of watercolour paper and six paints. But I just put them away. Looked at the unfinished horse, the pebbles, the coloured scribbles that are not anger or anything really and left the studio space to its own devices.

I've also been giving up on books. I start, thinking it's interesting. Or that I should really read it. Or that I'll get into it and then just quit. Carry it around for a few days while actually starting the other one that I've added to the pile. Soon, the first will be deposited in a more hiiden pile and the second will be carried around as I launch a third.

The weather is getting nicer. I look at the garden and at the piles of discarded birdseed. The occasional dog poos that I have not cleared away. The leaf litter. The overgrown bamboo and maple. The ivy that threatens to take over and the evil russian vine that wants to get in from next door. Oh no. Please don't make me go outside. Please don't make me feel I should do more things. Cleaning the house is enough. Meditating. Working. It's enough. Really.

I mean, the things I was doing I don't want to do. Let alone NEW things.

Let me be blocked.