Darkness and light

The rape is out and it smells lovely. I remember being in a car with a horse-riding friend and I said how I loved to see the rape, it made me happy. He said, 'I hate it - makes me think of hay fever and asthma.' Hey ho.

The reading for the next dreaded is rather like that. I read something and think oh yes, oh yes, how interesting and then realise that either my thought is not relevant to the course, to philosophy or to any rational investigation or else I realise that exploring that thought would take me via routes of complexity and detail that I am ill-equipped to manage. And so I am left with nothing but question marks interspersed with periods of 'who cares?' and 'what the hell is he on about??'

My headaches persist. I stopped taking the codeine in case I was addicted and that was giving me headaches. So far either the addiction hasn't worn off or the headaches are unrelated to the codeine. I stopped wine for the same reason. And cheese. It gets worse. So I went to the crystal shop and discovered that the best crystal for headaches is one I already possess: jet.

So that set me off into thinking about my ex-horse and my loss and grief and my failures and mistakes and my uselessness and mourning and my idiocy and madness. But i still have the headache.

I also bought a philosopher's stone, galea. I will treat you to news of that another day.