Traditionally in Oxford May Day is the start of summer. You stay up and punt on the Isis at dawn. I remember staying up all night. Drinking a lot. Falling in love and realising that the guy was actually just enjoying the moment. That was a bit of a downer for the start of summer. hey ho. I'd been there before and I went there again.
Today does not feel much like the start of summer: the weather is not glorious and there feels little to celebrate.
Still, I ran (trotted) with the dog for an hour or so and was again overpowered by the lovely scent of the bluebells and the virtuous feeling of muscle strain and effort. A bit of a downer - literally - when I fell over on the way home. No harm done. Legs tired. Stumbled over an exposed root and landed on grass. If people saw they did not pay heed. And I don't feel embarrassment at such things. Why would someone condemn me for falling over? It's not a cause of shame. I suppose it can humiliate one if one has pride in being 'the sort of person who never falls over', but fortunately that's not a salient part of my self-concept. I do fall over sometimes. I even make mistakes and do things I afterwards regret. They might lead to feelings of guilt, but embarrassment always feels like one has 'set oneself up to be better than one is.' Maybe there are benefits to realising one is, after all, a bit crap.
There's also an interesting divergence between people over how much store one places in how others see you. How much it matters if people consider you to be this or that type of person. This is interesting when you consider yesterday's post, What I do is me.
If you want to be seen as this type of person, then you have to do the kind of things that this kind of person would do. Are you being honest? Well, I'll be addressing that tomorrow.
For today, I want to think about how we judge the judgements of others, and then think about how a different mindset can help us to focus not on how we look now but on how what we do will help us to be what we wish to be by enabling us to do what we wish to do, however we look while doing it.
Many people are concerned about 'looking stupid' so they will refrain from speaking up. This might be because in a given debate a) they are indeed ignorant of the facts or are unable to reason through them; b) they aren't skilled at presenting their ideas; c) they have an over-inflated impression of the skills and cleverness of those around them and too low a regard of their own abilities; d) they consider their conversation partners to be the type of people who are inclined to make scathing and critical judgements; e) they only ever want to be seen as perfect and thus cannot take any, however small, risk of being a normal human or, of course, f) a mixture of these things.
It's my impression that if one has a relatively generous view of others (they are not the type of people to make scathing and critical judgments) combined with a very low expectation of being seen as perfect, most of the problem goes away. The rest can be eroded by practice and learning. If one believes d) and e) very strongly, however, there is little point in practice or learning because one will never perceive the situation to offer a suitable opportunity for self-expression leading to perfect self-presentation.
So, a low view of others and a high expectation of oneself will essentially lead to the cessation of any form of striving. Of course, if one regards oneself as perfect and does not care about what others think at all, then one is also inhibited from practice and learning.
I have missed out what many might feel a very important cause for not expressing oneself: the fear that any criticism, however well intended, will be damaging to confidence and prevent one from ever attempting to act again. This is why parents will encourage a child for a small achievement, rather than criticising its ability to perform a given new task perfectly. But perhaps it is wiser to praise the child for trying while still pointing out where progress can be made.
This conforms to Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck's thesis. She has done a great deal of research on achievement and success. She coined the term ‘growth mindset’ – a general attitude of optimism towards learning, which makes engaging with effort and difficulty feel like a positive challenge rather than a threat to self-esteem. Those with a growth mindset believe that with hard work, persistence and good teaching, everyone can improve. Guy Claxton, University of Bristol Graduate School of Education, distinguishes a ‘Learning-Mode’ from Performance-Mode, which involves showing off, and Defensive-Mode, which is more like evasion and self-protection.) He writes:
In L[earning]-mode, the goal is to enhance long-term competence. Activities have to involve ‘not perfect yet’ knowledge and skills – things you can improve on. Errors and experimentation are treated not just as normal but as essential. Attention is alert to valuable information and feedback. Cheating is pointless; learning starts from admitting you are not good enough yet at something.[1]
Importantly, you can learn to change from a fixed to a growth mindset or, in Claxton’s terms, into a ‘Learning-Mode' through conscious effort, through how you behave toward youself. Initially, such tendencies of mind are developed during childhood. Telling a child she’s good because she worked hard rather than because she’s ‘smart’ or talented encourages the child to understand that achievement comes through effort rather than through some intrinsic and fixed quality that cannot be altered. Children told they are smart can be discouraged by failure as they feel they have to succeed to prove they are indeed clever, and that if they don’t, then they can’t be clever and the challenge will always be beyond them. If, on the other hand, they believe they achieve their goals through hard work, then failure suggests they didn’t work hard enough – or that they need to learn more, practice more, develop further.
So, on my jog, I tried hard. I ran for over an hour - and my legs were complaining after about twenty minutes. I ran very, very slowly - but I put in the miles and the effort. Next week, I will be stronger. I fell over. So what?
And, look at the picture attached to this blog. The cat's nose is wrong. The proportions are out of whack. Somehow it's skewed. Only if I appreciate that I tried hard, but that I have a long way to go will I attempt to put brush to paper again and seek to improve. I can note that the inner part of the ear is quite effective and the light in the eyes is nice - but if I feel this is down to 'talent' either I fail to find the inaccurate nose salient and thus fail to improve or I think 'Ive conned them once, I won't be able to con them again, so I'd better stop while I'm ahead.' If I felt all people would condemn me for the bad nose and other failings, I'd give up trying. If I thought I had to be perfect for it to be worth progressing, again, I'd give up. I carry on because it is a process. I improve more the harder I work at it. People are usually pretty kind and I know my limitations. Maybe, one day, I'll paint something that's very good. Maybe not. In the meantime, I am as good as I deserve to be. My doing shows my level perfectly, and I accept that.
[1] Guy Claxton’s blog, April 9th 2019, https://www.guyclaxton.net/blog/unfixing-growth-mindset
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