Strangenesses

I guess I don't expect flowers in November. Is this normal?

I mean, shouldn't that be out in May?

This week has been tumultuous in terms of wrong sleep patterns and discombobulating events. I have received feedback on two pieces. One I thought was a bit crap, but with the changes that one might actually get in the publication. The other one, i was excited about but it may not make it.

I end up feeling.... befuddled.

One of my friends said I should try getting a research post. I got hugely excited about the idea and another friend was saying, yes, yes! You should. But, one thing they mainly want Phd people and secondly, it's not like I am proving very adept at this academic thing really. A third pal read my fox thing and suggest I make it into two papers, a fourth suggested I needed to weave it better together. And I just don't get it. And can hardly be bothered.

I am tired and I am alone. And I am scared. And I am not as smart as I think I am or as the more generous of my friends think me.

In addition, the AI stuff has been problematic this week, not my fault on this occasion - just no tasks I could do. plus my mark is still below the desired level so it's not like I am great at that either.

Basically, I am a mediocre person who thinks they are or should be special.