Frustration

Seriously.

I try I try I try.

Every day a little drawing. Something to see me through the day.

But as soon as I try to get the slightest bit ambitious or - perish the thought! - get out the paints, it's a disaster.

I remember so well being able to paint with watercolour or pastel and create things that were beautiful to my eyes. Now I feel like a five year old.

I know I need to keep at it, get my eye back in, invest the time.

Here's the thing: art is for me a mindful act that leads to the kind of egoless state I have mentioned in previous posts. But it's not when I am crap at it. It's only a free-flowing and zen-like experience when I am at least a bit competent. So I need to spend weeks and months being seriously pissed off before I can reap any benefits. How shit is that?

Reserve Officer Ian says it's the same with wood-turning.

At least when I look at soil or acorns I'm not expecting to be good at it.

So, I think I need a week of proper time investment... like when I went to France to the step-father of an acquaintance and progressed leaps and bounds during the time I was there. And drank a hell of a lot of wine.

They were not impressed by me being a vegetarian so I don't think they'd cope with a vegan.

Enough. Gonna read about soil.