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  • Writer's pictureCrone

More shit birds and a bit on pain

So, I bought a book about drawing birds, by John Muir Laws. My aim, as ever, to build confidence as a foundation for increased inspiration that will turn the drawing from 'I ought to' to 'I want to' once again.

I like the basic starters.

And building up from there.

But today's session felt like I ought to and I did and didn't really enjoy it.

Instead, I got to thinking about pain. Ali and I were talking in the gym about how if you have a goal that matters, you don't experience the suffering of pain very much. It's kind of irrelevant. Problem is, most of the time none of our goals really matter to us that much. It's as true of mental pain as physical pain. We give the suffering such significance because we don't have to chase down a hare or escape a lion or construct a shelter or whatever. We can afford to give the pain priority. Even love might not ease it because we want the other to appreciate or acknowledge our suffering rather than just being able to focus on the love or the friendship or the purring cat.

I don't think it's like this for animals. I just don't think they're so engrossed by relatively minor problems.

Then Richard said something. He was talking of Trump and he said, 'He's always hungry and cold and in pain, the state of abandonment, with no ability to self-soothe, so he is reliant on flatterers to affirm him and make him feel whole.' And I thought how true that is of me and of many I know. Some eat or drink to combat the hunger. Some complain, pre-prepared (pre-prepared?? yes, that is what I mean...) excuses for imperfection or demands for sympathy. I need affirmation all the time - and I do feel cold and hungry and in pain.

Again, other animals aren't like this.

How did we get so screwed up???

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