Singing out of vision

In the garden this morning there were three or maybe even four singing robins. I only glimpsed the one of them.

Still, I guess I should be glad to hear them.

There's a weight on my soul. In part it's work (both the AI and the limited normal work) and in part it's more than that. A sense of overwhelm. The feeling that everything that happens hurts me to some extent. The cats' demands feel beyond my capacity to fulfill. As if I don't quite have what it takes to make them happy. Work always feels that I am somehow missing something... not good enough. The weather, not grey and in part rainy, doesn't help. And how can I regenerate when I need to be doing the AI thing for money?

Then some odd things. My phone thinks it has to "not disturb" me all the time. I can't seem to convince it that I actually want messages and calls from colleagues. It is shielding me... maybe it respond to what I really want underneath... or, what in a sense I need.

And I feel under pressure from various quarters when I don't have the time or the emotional capacity to deal with any more than I am actually dealing with.

Moan moan.

I have applied for a job at a library in Northampton. That would actually be good. It would feel kind of, sort of, right. And it's here, in this town! Cross fingers and toes for the Crone.