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  • Writer's pictureCrone

Season slide

I always feel like winter, the coming of winter, pushes me into a deep hole that I have to climb out of.

Usually, in late July or early August I have the season of the angle of the sunlight changing and my mood begins to slip. By this time, the latter part of October, with the days shortening, the fields getting so muddy that running is a matter of wading and sliding, the wind getting chill and the rain more frequent, I have a sense of impending doom.

It's not yet so bad this year. Perhaps my return to medication has been a filip, though it's a little soon for the therapeutic effects to be demonstrable. I'm hoping that it's related to doing this Masters - having a purpose and a focus. Days have a sense of progression about them - that I have gone a little further in my thinking, that my argumentation is a little bit tighter, that I have tracked down a philosopher who has made a similar case to mine - which means it's not entirely mad as a box of frogs crazy.

There's a guy called David Benatar, an anti-natalist, who argues that it would be better not to have been born. that life is more suffering in the balance than joy. That it is unethical to have children and consign them to this unhappy existence. I am inclined to share his perspective in all honesty. It's a lot of work to be alive. To combat entropy. To maintain homeostasis. A heck of a lot of work. And a heck of a lot of work more to do it and be cheerful about it. I think I'm in a minority - but I think that the majority are deluded.

So I guess it's a pleasant surprise not to be having to work so hard right now to climb out of my late autumn hole. I only hope it continues....

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