So, the photo shows new knife, a gift from my brother, next to the blackthorns I layed (laid?) so that I did not have to kill them. It's the first time I'd used the knife for real. And it performed to help not harm.
We were fencing again. I actually started crying about the staple-removing. First I spent half a hour removing staples from the WRONG post then I managed one post with just moderate frustration but when it came to the next... hell... I just couldn't do it. I was hating myself and feeling useless and found myself in tears in a field.
Clare came over and gave me a hug and asked if I wanted to swap jobs. She said, 'We're here for you, as well as you helping us.' I looked into her eyes and felt the goodness of her. It was wonderful.
So I began banging posts in again and seem, finally, to have got the knack of it, so that I'm not just making a lot of noise.
We saw in the morning a crow with wings like lace. Simon said it had probably been shot. In the afternoon I saw a raptor with similarly ruptured wings. This hurt. I saw a willow split in two but still budding and I wished him well. I felt such... respect for his resilience. Though a weeping willow, he wouldn't weep over recalcitrant staples. Talk of resilience, I also saw various willows who'd been cut to stumps and yet, two years on, were sprouting vigorously. That gave me hope for one of my surgeoned trees who appears not yet to have come out of ITU.
And yet I also smelt the May blossoms and thanked hawthorn for her sweet spring self.
I wish I had thanked Clare more.
There was also a robin bathing in a puddle, his breast feathers spread and fluffed into the water. He didn't mind the rain.
When I came home, I had an hour of online lecture. I did my usual and asked stupid questions and felt like a bloody idiot. I wrote most of a programme and voices eight four-minute videos. It has been exhausting.
But before I started work I spoke to a boss who was guaranteeing me work later in the year. He said, 'I trust you. You are multi-talented. I will not leave you behind. I want you to work on this but more importantly I want you to enjoy it. Because you do so much to help us.'
Never had an employer spoken to me with such kindness and care. It was as though Clare and the May blossoms had managed to make my world sweet despite the staples and the hours of writing and voicing.
I wish I had thanked the boss enough.
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